If you guys have been rocking with me for a minute.....
Then you know i've mentioned my romantic situation more than a few times in my previous blogs, however... if you're new, let me catch you up to speed.
Serial Monogamist mini anthology
As ya'll know, I am currently 25 years old. Since the age of 16 i've only been single in between relationships for a few months at a time (probably less than 8 months total). I am the dreaded, serial monogamist. Up until this year, i've always been with somebody with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life (I'm also hopelessly romantic). After my last relationship ended (kind of ?), and I took a well needed 6-8 months recovery time and at the end of this, I found myself if a place I had never been before. Single.
What does being single mean to me?
Back in the day, when I was in between boyfriends, I was always looking. Basically, I was pulling them left and right, screening them, testing them, choosing them to see who would be the next "Mr. Right". As soon as I pegged the "could be one", I dived in heedlessly. Let me just tell ya'll something,
Gone are the days where I would search, where I would imagine, where I would see if I could picture a life with somebody. The only thing now that I try to envision is if this person will be someone I will even talk to on a regular basis. If this person won't get on my nerves or distract me from my current goals.
Single to me is single, and not looking, not searching, not hoping, not wishing, just being. (so if you're someone who is looking for love & dating, this may not be the blog for you! I've looked for love, and i've found it time and time again, and now, i'm off the rollercoaster for the time being).
So how do you "single"? (like a pimp)
Examine first how you feel about yourself.. If you don't really know who you are, where you are in life, and what you want, then your're not going to be successful in the world of love in any capacity.
I feel like a BOSS B_____. I started 3 business ventures within the last year. I made it through the worst disappointment in my life, alone. I'm going to see Beyoncé this year. I feel authentically beautiful and powerful and Independent (but never too independent that I won't pout for a foot rub ?). I am definitely in an "emerging" lioness" stage in my life, and i'm just fine running through the jungle alone, however, if a real lion wants to come up and support me in that, my heart is definitely open. I am a growing balance of independence, yet feminy. (Which is a big jump because i've typically been somebody who typically felt my life was better when I had someone - now I don't feel that way at all).
If you don't feel safe, strong, secure in yourself, then you need to gather all those feelings before you even think about pimpin'. Having men on your roster won't fix any of your problems and it definitely wont fix you.
Now that you got your "JUJU" right, how do you go on about your pimp game??? Here are the rules.
(All rules are intended to be used by mature adults,
Please Pimp Responsibly).
1. Be Honest
While your on your pimp game, you might actually come across somebody decent that may become your star player one day. You don't want to mess that up by being a scumbag. Basically ladies (don't do like men do), just be short and clear about what you got going on.
" I am dating around right now"
General decency says that you owe people honesty. Pimp rules say that you don't owe people explanations (no overly long anthologies about your entire relationship history to explain why your at this place now). Just make sure that you keep your "roster" in the loop if things change. Thats what's fair.
2. Expect what you give
One of the truest things I can tell you is that "Pimp Game Hard". If you say you're dating around right now, thats what you need to expect from anyone on your roster. You cannot expect more than what your willing to give. So, REALLY dating is like a constant game of Russian Roulette . You might meet somebody you really really like, and then BOOM they get snatched off the table like that. If you're not in a place to deal with the emotional insecurity of not knowing when your next "Good Morning Beautiful" text will come, or if someone you were dating might wind up Boo'd up the next week, then definitely stay in the lane of "single and looking", not pimping.
3.*Ronald Isley Voice* (?keep it on the Downlow...)
Once again, while your out here, pimping, living, enjoying life, you may actually come across someone you like. AND you might meet some people you never want to be associated with again. Just keep everything on the DL until you are ready to make that leap towards a "Ship" with someone. For me, I'm in a very "TARAJI P Henson" stage of my life (see video below).
I'm hot fire right now. Im young, I take care of myself, I have my head set on straight, I'm a professional. And i'm just really really good company.
If i'm to be claimed, it will be by ? only. Back when I was a girlfriend, I was really really good at it. Everybody was happy. (I mean REALLY happy). That is no longer a luxury I am willing to give away at such a low price. I'm not looking to be wifed up, but anyone who wants the permanent full time benefits of the lushdiva should know that thats the only way.
But I digress...
The line between "Keeping it discreet" and being a jump off can be quite thin, so ,If your still not sure what Keeping in on the down low means, check out this list:
4. be conifdent
There are times if your life for being settled down. There are times in your life for being boo'd up. And there are times in your life for "pimpin". The reason why I am surrounded with a plethora of high quality male suitors, is because my standards are only set for "high quality male suitors". And I definitely shoot my shot for high quality. Granted that they're single, no-one is off limits for the Lush. If I feel like this is someone who might be worth spending time on, or even just having a friendly conversation with, then why not shoot my shot? Whats the worst that could happen? (Oh no... they say no... they call me fat ?) (I've actually never had that happen before, real men peep the confidence before they peep the size).
5. Have fun
If you are stressed, unrested, and depressed at any point on your single life journey, you need to very quickly cut out the source of those feelings, whether that be one of your "players" OR cutting yourself out of the game for a while. Being in a relationship is work, it is very fulfilling, life changing WORK. Being single is not that, so if you don't feel positive and happy, then please scroll back up and re-read the "how to do single like a pimp" portion of this blog" and start over with examining yourself.
5. Realize, that is not all fun and games, its a balancing act
Even though single life is a fun surprising journey that has new twists and turns everyday, just like anything else in life, there are downsides. Sometimes people don't turn out to be who you thought, and that can hurt. Sometimes you don't turn out to be who people thought, and that can hurt them. Sometimes you get curved, other times, you curve. Sometimes you have to have the tough talks and let people know where you stand, and sometimes you get the tough talking-too. Just keep it mind that its only fun and games if your not getting hurt, and your not hurting anybody. Always stay conscious of your feelings of yourself and those around you. (Are you really enjoying single life if your can only see him when he calls? Is it really fair to your guy that you only want to see them when you're looking for a free lunch? If you gonna do this thing successfully, you gotta be a grown up about it.. )
The ultimate pimp rule.
Don't. Fall. In. Love.
Single life, is my time to get it how I live. Live my best life, and really, honestly, truly, focus 100% of my energy on myself (which is what I should have been doing back in the day when I was "boo'd up" in my teens and early 20s). I'm still young so for me, its not too late to really maximize this time as a young single woman and accomplish all my goals.
Somebody comes along.
Whether he be a pure hearted chocolate angel, cloaked in a mask of nerdy intelligence...
A tall island god, with an accent as smooth as silk and eyes that look and forever leave you shook...
Or a Tainted (yet talented) Tattooed hustler, who's heartbeat can not be heard over the deepness of his voice, or roughness of his beard.
(Ugh! are you guys here for that poetic flow or na?)
Sometimes one of these people comes along and makes it hard for a girl to keep it all in perspective.......
good luck on your single journeys, Pray for me through mine!
Just an awkward black girl trying to put some RESPEK on my name. I'll be covering your anti-typical "I'm really cheap but I still want to look decent" fashion topics, and your " I only buy make-up less than 10$" beauty topics. As a business owner read about my entrepreneurial journey, and as a hopeless romantic, read about my struggles to find love . If you really real, share, comment and subscribe!
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