Well here were are you guys. I know its a big shock, and you may not have been mentally prepared for this. But the truth is, I'm fat ya'll (i'm figgity fat and i'm fat). Not just fat, but fat and unhappy about it.
My Past weight loss journey:
I know I have just gotten the chance to make many of yours' acquaintance this year, so you may not have known that in 2016 I went on a pretty serious weight loss journey and I lost about 40lbs in 6-8 months. I originally decided to lose weight because that extra 40lbs was destroying my back and knees. My body felt bad, so I decided to get some of that weight off me. When I did, I achieved the desired effect. My back pain was gone, my knees regained their spring, and I was very happy with the results. I achieved this weight loss by a strict calorie counting regimen, clean(er) eating, and working out daily. I completely changed my entire lifestyle. And yet here we are again...fat.
How I gained 50lbs in a year:
About a year ago, I went through a terrible breakup with the man I thought I would marry. Looking back, it wasn't a terrible as a I thought, but even still, the point of moving out of our home and moving on from a life that I thought was pretty stable broke me down. As someone who has struggled with depression before, I went into what I like to call "Low Power Mode". Low power mode is where you do the bare minimum to maintain your day to day lifestyle. Low power mode is what you do to keep from breaking down at work, or dwelling on your misery. Low power mode, for me, is like a cocoon. In order to protect myself from the stress of this break up and just try and maintain, I stopped going to the gym, No more meal prep, I didn't see friends as much. I simply focused on going to work, and making it home, staying calm and not becoming overwhelmed. I basically abandoned my weight loss journey and anything else that required major mental faculties. By the time my mood evened out and I had avoided a major depression, I had started my business and that began to take up all my spare time (not to mention I was working 2 jobs already) so, instead of picking up where I left out, I launched a brand new super busy lifestyle that was simply not conducive to self care. I starting eating fast food multiple times a day, I abandoned a regular sleeping schedule, I even stopped buy groceries all together. Fast forward another 6 months and a challenging semester of school, here I am, back where I started.
(Photo Below Thanksgiving 2015 - Easter 2016, now I'm heaver than left photo)
Why I don't really want to lose weight - reverse BDM
Have you guys ever watched Dr. Phil and seen those episodes featuring those poor folks who are obsessed with a particular "flaw" or their body (double chin, love handles) that actually don't exist. It's very sad and I in now way shape or form tend to minimize or compare my plight to theirs. (Reverse BMD has been great for my self confidence and I am in no way shape or form tormented by or embarrassed of any aspect of my body. But this issue has really been terrible for my health.) So basically, when I look in the mirror, I still see the body of my "best" self.
I don't see my rolls and wrinkles, cellulite and dimples. I don't see stretch marks. I see the nice smooth body of my 16 year old self. The one who sported a belly ring and cut off shorts all the time. Its not only until I see myself in photos and video OR try on clothes (that I think will fit perfectly and they won't even go over 1 leg) do I realize the size to which i've truly expanded. Like I said, this has been a wonderful thing for my confidence as I truly feel like I look the best I ever have, but as for my health, this has been terrible as the inability to recognize changes within my own body has caused me to regain 50lbs quickly and suffer the consequences like joint pain, shortness of breath, heart problems.
So How do we fix it???
'I''ve always been a "Big girls do it better" sort of girl, but....
We're going on another weight loss journey yall.
And we're gonna slim down.
And we're going to use some of the methods we did before,
This time around, we're going to focus on making sustainable life changes that we can hold on to. ( The last time I lost weight I went ham like a body builder, and it was great, it worked, but with that I pretty much made fitness by 2nd job. I can't live forever that way, so I need to find something more conducive to long term health. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to share this journey with you guys because I don't want to present myself as someone who is health conscious or concerned about weight, because I'm not. However, I am concerned about living, and living well, and I can't quite do that with the weight of my extra.....weight, bearing down on my heart - literally.
Being a Big Diva is all about self care and self love, so in order to truly practice what I preach, its time to show this body some love and treat her with the attention and respect that she deserves."
but y'all still gon' get this bawdy under construction all summer long. 😏
Just an awkward black girl trying to put some RESPEK on my name. I'll be covering your anti-typical "I'm really cheap but I still want to look decent" fashion topics, and your " I only buy make-up less than 10$" beauty topics. As a business owner read about my entrepreneurial journey, and as a hopeless romantic, read about my struggles to find love . If you really real, share, comment and subscribe!
You are bold. You are beautiful. You are EVERYTHING. But sometimes our society doesn't take the time to recognize the beauty that is uniquely you. It is my personal mission as well as the mission of my business to help you and ladies everywhere maximize their self confidence through affordable fashion and beauty. Not only do I have StudioLush that provides affordable products to you, I also created this entire site and my blog so that you can grow with me through exploring the best beauty products, techniques, and your own personal styles. Please make yourself at home and be sure to use the contact form is you ever need to reach me. I look forward to our glow and growth together!